i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
