All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Randomize
