when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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