when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
