Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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