My room smells like vodka and shame
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
