i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
