If i come over, it means nothing
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
