Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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