She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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