So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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