Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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