There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
