I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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