he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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