He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
