Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
