the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
