Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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