When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
