do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
