My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
