I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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