I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
