I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
