apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
