woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
