Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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