I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
