Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's always time for handjobs
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
