I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
