If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
