I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
