I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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