So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
