Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
