Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize