Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
