Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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