There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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