You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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