I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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