At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Terrible idea I love it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
