he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Too much gin, very little bucket
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
