did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
