Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
