Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
