I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
