Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
4 words: hood of his car
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
