Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
