he puts the penis in happiness.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
