its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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