just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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