Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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