I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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