I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
