I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
