she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
