i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
