im six kinds of drunk right now
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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