He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
