The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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