Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I want is dick and wine.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
