The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
