Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
birth control should be required to get into college
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
