In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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