Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
