he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize