i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
