dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
