If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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